Last year, Jenn Knoblock, Jim Danielson, and I ended up in some strange sparring in which we tried to use the highest proportion of high-scoring letters in Scrabble… in a poem. Jim took top honors with an average score of 2.8194 points per letter. (My own score was 2.725.) Anyway, gluttons for punishment that we are, we’re back. Here’s my new horror:

The Quartz Zyzzyva (Just Kidding)

Kooky Jack’s poxy yak
grew boxy with ivy and fuzz.
Folk took it for grizzly if it was drizzly.
(Quizzically often, it was.)
Vexed, with his ax, Jack gave a whack,
then—zip, zap—gave it a buzz.

Scoring (Scrabble points/number of letters):

Kooky 16/5 Jack’s 18/5 poxy 16/4 yak 10/3
grew 8/4 boxy 16/4 with 10/4 ivy 9/3 and 4/3 fuzz. 25/4
Folk 11/4 took 8/4 it 2/2 for 6/4 grizzly 29/7 if 5/2 it 2/2 was 6/3 drizzly. 29/7
(Quizzically 43/11 often, 8/5 it 2/2 was.) 6/3
Vexed, 16/5 with 10/4 his 6/3 ax, 9/2 Jack 17/4 gave 8/4 a 1/1 whack, 17/5
then 7/4 —zip, 14/3 zap— 14/3 gave 8/4 it 2/2 a 1/1 buzz. 24/4

Total: 443/143=3.097

I really hope I got the math right. I am far too tired to check it again, but please feel free. I daresay I hope this is the nerdiest thing I do for the rest of the year, because I am drained! I do not want to admit how much time I spent writing this thing. TOO MUCH.